8 tips to become a more patient coach, teacher, and mentor - plus journal prompts for self-reflection. [7 Attitudes of Mindfulness series, patience part 3]
This blog is part 3 of the Patience part of the 7 Essential Attitudes of Mindfulness series. Part 1 focused on patience with yourself. Part 2 is about patience with other people. Part 3 is about patience in leadership roles - specifically as a teacher, coach, or mentor. This article will mostly take the stance from a coaching perspective, but it applies to teachers and mentors as well. Working on your mindset as a coach? Check out the Mindset Program.
What’s important about patience for coaches?
Have you seen an impatient coach? Watching them coaching from the sidelines screaming at players? Have you had an impatient coach? Having the highest expectations, and the smallest space for players to meet those expectations? How about this one - have you BEEN an impatient coach? Expecting results immediately, and deeply frustrated when YOU care more than your players? I have been there - all three ways!
Patience as a coach is important because it impacts both your life as a coach and the lives of those under your guidance - it can literally change lives. Patience with your team as a coach will give you a more enjoyable experience, less stress, and more freedom. Patience with your team for your players will do the same. Everyone deserves to have a patient mentor in their life, who lovingly guides them to reach a better version of themself. [Looking for a patient mentor for yourself? I help people step up into the best versions of themselves with my coaching programs!]
So, what does a patient coach look like, and how do you become one?
Someone who visibly cares about their players. Physically show your players that you care. Show with your body language - enthusiasm, eye contact, attention (*ahem* cell phones), and physical touch. Physical boundaries are important in coaching. But so is physical touch. Coaches - high five your players. After every drill, after every success, after every failure. Reach out your hand, look your players in the eye, and physically let your players know that you care.
Process-oriented vs results. Losses should hurt. But they should be a learning process. LEAD your team by focusing on what you learned and what you want to change. Look at your practice plans - do the drills give space for learning and failure? Do they emphasize GROWTH over results? Focusing on the process will naturally give you more freedom, and therefore more patience.
Whole-person focused. Growth doesn’t happen in isolation. You cannot succeed at ANYTHING without growth holistically. As limited as your time may be with those you work with, manage that time to help develop across many lanes. For example, as a volleyball coach - my team needs to spend maybe 70% of practice working on VOLLEYBALL. But 30% should be divided into - how do we fuel our bodies for success? What are my goals long term? How do I be a good teammate and how do I practice that? Focusing on whole person development makes it easier to be patient with the process - impact long term is key.
Managing your expectations. Let your team lead you. What expectations does your team have? A great way to become more patient is to get on THEIR level. Having higher or different expectations than your team has (even if they are young!) will always create friction. Have a conversation with your team - empower them to take the lead, and then your job is to create a plan to guide them there.
Lead by example. Struggle with frustrating situations in life? How can you model it for your team, when you don’t practice it yourself? Great coaches lead by example. Manage your emotional responses. Use breathwork. Have curiosity, not judgment. Need to do some work here? Check out my blog on cultivating patience within yourself HERE, non-judgment, and beginner’s mind.
Love first, learn later. At the end of the day, your players won’t remember the wins and losses as much as they remember the impact you had on their life. Every single practice, tournament, team dinner, etc, your team should walk away feeling seen and cared for. Focusing on compassion vs winning makes it easier to be a patient coach. Impact lives first, win later.
Do a self-scouting report. Record yourself coaching. Watch yourself, just like you watch your players. Review the film with your mentor or coach. Don’t have a mentor?? Check back to #5 on this list - lead by example! Every coach needs a mentor. Every coach should be constantly reviewing their work and striving to improve. Again, lead by example! Watching yourself will allow you to see when you are patient and when you are not.
Monthly performance assessments. In almost every job, you check in with your boss to review how you’re performing regularly. Do this with your team! Come up with a questionnaire and spend time allowing your team to give you the coach feedback. Checking in regularly will help you understand your team better, which will help you be more patient!
Self-Reflection Questions
How did I show my team that I cared for them today? How was it received? How can I improve?
In what ways did I include or exclude players today? How can I be more attentive to the needs my players have when it comes to my attention?
What areas do I find myself being impatient with my team? What’s one step I can take towards cultivating more patience here?
Every coach needs a coach. I work with coaches in all kinds of avenues in life on mindset, self-growth, and more. Lead by example in life! Learn more about how my coaching programs can help you be a better coach!
